Tygan S's Response to "How to Argue Effectively"

Remember that your job as a missionary is to convince others that they're wrong. The more others disagree with you, the more argumentative you should be. They will only give in if you are more forceful than they. This may escalate to yelling or even violence. Therefore, never try to convince anyone who has a physical advantage over you.

Regrettably, the church prohibits alcoholic consumption. Fortunately there are other means of increasing your competitive edge. Staying up late, drinking lots of sugar, and watching or listening to one-sided political commentary are all very effective.

The following story is an ideal example of convincing others that you're right.


Imagine my companion and I are in an investigator's home teaching him the Restoration. I usually don't take a companion, but my current companion agrees unquestionably with everything I say. This particular investigator has been eagerly taking lessons from another companionship, so we decided to come in and seal the deal.

“How can I know if the Book of Mormon is true?” he asks.

“Let me put it this way,” I begin. “A total of six-hundred fifty-four million, three-hundred and twenty-one individuals know the Book of Mormon is true.”

“Really? But, I thought—”

“Yep. That's from the Granger Institute's Worldwide Religious Statistical Report. Very reputable. Did your other church use it?”

“Uh, no, I don't think so—”

“They probably aren't mentioned.”

I allow for a moment of silence to let that to sink in.

“So, do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?”

“What? Well, no, not yet.”

“Why not? What reasons could you possibly have for not believing it? As it were, I quote, 'it's the best book on Earth.' Gordon W. Tanner said that, e.g. President Gordon W. Tanner.”

“Uh . . . .” Our investigator looks confused for a second. “I'm having problems accepting that Joseph Smith was really a prophet.”

I burst out laughing and my companion sniggers. “Wait, you're serious?” I shake my head, smiling. “Do you believe the Bible?”

“Well, I'm not sure . . .”

“You're begging the question. In terms of biblical personas who reference the Book of Mormon vis a vis, not to mention the cross-implications to Joseph Smith as the prophet, per se, 87.3% indicate that Joseph Smith is, as we say, a prophet, and the remaining 22% indicate that those references are, in fact, indicative, Q.E.D.”

I can tell I'm being very successful because our investigator is starting to look defensive. When they look defensive, that means they're intimidated.

“You know, this really isn't a good time for me—”

“It never is.”

“I'm sorry, but this just doesn't really feel right, would you mind if—”

“You're being defensive.”

“Could you please . . . leave right now? I have—”

“Really? You know who else didn't listen? Hitler.”

“I'm asking you to leave. I'm going to call the cops if you aren't out of my door in thirty seconds.”

My companion and I back away, out the door. “Hitler. Hitler didn't believe the Book of Mormon was true!” The door slams. “HITLER DIDN'T BELIEVE JOSEPH SMITH WAS A PROPHET!”


That's the secret to missionary work: get the words out. It's the words they're going to remember.