Bell gives examples of emotionally-scarred women burying all their aggression, children who are practically brain-washed into being "nice", and happy Mormon folk giving each other the finger and being rude and ridiculous while driving. These are really terrible incidents that do happen in the world, but being nice has little to do with it. There is a difference between being nice and being hypocritical, or being subdued by others. Notice that almost all of the examples she gives have their roots in Utah, and more specifically Utah County. Now, I'm not saying that people from Utah are automatically more hypocritical and fake, but there is definitely more pressure here to be perfect.
Most people do have genuine niceness in them, everyone has a dark side as well. The point of being nice is to try and do your best, not to be perfect. I know it makes me feel better when I hold a door open for someone, or help them pick something up that they've dropped. That's how most of us were raised. If we do those things because we enjoy them, that's niceness. If they are simply done to put up a facade of decency, then niceness has nothing to do with it.
Bell does make some good points, but I believe that she is being far too cynical. Hypocrisy, self-righteousness, and the indecency of others are to blame for the situations she cites. I happen to like niceness, and I would like to think that I haven't been brainwashed or suppressed into thinking so.
Sven Wilson said...
ReplyDeleteThis author seems kind of annoying to me. Sometimes I feel that people like to shove unorthodox views in peoples faces because they want attention. I'm sure she did make some good points but I have a feeling that it's too hard to see those points because of all the nonsense. I think is people are to specifically focused on being nice they might be missing the point.
-Sven Wilson
I agree with most everything you have said. While the author does have a few good points, there is a fine line between a genuinely nice person and one who is being nice simply for personal gain/benefit. There is more pressure to be the "Perfect Mormon" in Utah than in other states. Coming here after living in North Carolina was kind of a culture shock. Not only is alcohol not served in grocery stores but I am judged on a much higher standard! What I like about North Carolina and the South in general is the "southern hospitality". Where you wave to someone even if you don't know them, you address others as ma'am and sir, and you help someone in the hallway not for Personal Progress or to show how "nice" you are, but because it's the right thing to do. I think the root of this argument lies in the individual. No one likes someone who tries too hard to be nice, it has to be natural otherwise it just makes you look bad!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sophie! I'm also from the South and I miss that Southern Hospitality. I feel like a lot of cashiers here are almost rude. Maybe I just get unlucky, and I don't think they mean to, but they come across as.. I hate my life and I wish I was home sleeping, that's $12.53. In Alabama cashiers would talk to you and bring up conversation and make sure that your visit to where ever you were ended pleasantly. Most of them at least. That's cause they were raised to respect others, which is something that really impressed me when I first moved to Alabama.
ReplyDeleteBell did bring up interesting points, but like everyone has said or thought, she's using extremes and being purposely vague about her true subject of criticism, giving it the blanket title "nice." She didn't talk so much about being nice but more expression one's self completely and truthfully.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. I like what Bell wrote - it was clever, it was insightful, and funny. But she really should have taken more time to qualify "niceness". I would have critiqued "spinelessness" or "over-submission" or "fear of judgement" or some other better way to rephrase the negative side effects of being nice. I mean, if you look at the essay as a critique of these kind of things, it's totally legitmate. But otherwise she puts her readers on too much of a defence and doesn't take much time to define "nice". And yeah, she might as well be pointing her finger at Utah. And it is my personal opinion that the south is only pretending to kind so they catch the north off guard when they "rise again"
ReplyDeleteMatt Lipps
I couldn't agree more with what you said. So many people in today's world put on an act every single day just to try and get something in return. Like you said, the nice people are the ones that we should protect. People who are actually nice don't usually try to get people to notice their actions. They don't do it in search of any credit or gift in return. A lot of people fake being nice or even other attributes to try and mold themselves into this seemingly perfect person.
ReplyDeleteI agree. There's nothing wrong with being nice as long as you're genuine about it. Not everyone is secretly repressing their dark side until one day they finally explode. Some people are just nice, happy people who like to do nice things for people.
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly what I thought as I was reading. I think Elouise Bell is either bitter or she is the type of person she is describing. There is nothing wrong with being nice. There is only something wrong with being fake. I did not agree with her article at all.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice isn't a bad thing--it's just that there are some people in the world are nice but are treated like doormats.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the point made about fake people--they put on an image that others will like in order to get gain for themselves. Being nice or not is not black and white, there's a whole spectrum of grays in between with those people who are nice for selfish reasons or what not.
Being truly nice is a wonderful thing. It promotes other acts of kindness and charity that make even a little difference in someone else's life.
I agree with what you wrote, Mary. Fakeness is one of my biggest pet peeves, especially because it so transparent. For instance, I don't know how you guys liked the first week here at BYU, but I was just so bugged. I could tell that people didn't really care about my name or where I was from (because who really does?), instead they were silently sizing me up, and that bugged the crap out of me! They can't know me based on a few sentences.
ReplyDeleteSo there's my rant. I think that Bell has a valid point. Sometimes it is just ridiculous. But at the same time, imagine the alternative. If we lived in a world where courtesy wasn't the norm, life would suck. People would just bash on other people non-stop. That, to me, is far worse than people being fakely nice.
I personally really liked a lot of Bell's comments. She was bluntly honest about something and legitimately called some people out on it. She took her stand and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't change her mind, despite arguments to the contrary. You really do have to respect that kind of boldness in a way. I don't think she was saying that there isn't genuine goodness. Bell did expressly state that there are many people who put a facade for whatever reason. They don't want to admit that they're not perfect, but none of us are. I believe that she was talking more about using the facade of niceness to try to imitate genuine goodness. She even defined the roots of the word nice for the reader. It really didn't have an originally good connotation. The article did come off a little cynical, but there is opposition in all things. If we focus on improving ourselves that we'll be able to see others a little more clearly.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you. The author overgeneralizes niceness, when what she is talking about is the "hypocritical niceness" or overuse of niceness (since there are some situations where niceness is not the proper response.)
ReplyDeleteInteresting take on the article and for the most part, I'd have to agree with you. Being overly nice is hardly possible all the time, but plastering on a fake smile and taking on a fear of confrontation is remarkably easy.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you wrote. Some of Bell's comments were a little too stereotypical, but I also could relate to a lot of what was said in this article. There is a difference between genuinely wanting to be nice and being nice for the sole sake of being nice. There is a 36- year-old single man in my ward back home who I think is too nice. Everyone else loves and admires him, but he gives me the hebegebees. Even though all of his actions are technically "nice", they have a creepy air about them.
ReplyDeleteOne way I define genuine niceness is how well people listen. You can always tell the difference between those who actually care and truly are listening to you and those who are just waiting for you shut up so it'll be their turn to talk.
Cara Gillespie
I don't think that see was saying nice is wrong. She was just making a distinction between kindness and nice. People can act nice. But kindness is a genuine.
ReplyDelete