Joe C's Response to "How to Argue Effectively"

Joe Clements won the Falcon of the year award for being just an awesome dude in 2010. In 2006, Joe joined Hanford High school, a high school that teaches students how to effectively write and other skill that normal people should have. He spent  nearly four years trying not take advantage of dumb teachers and trying  understand what  drug addicts were saying when they  said things like “ dude I was like dude, then he was like duddde, then I was like DUDE!” but he eventually realized it was hopeless.  So in 2010, he took up being a student at Brigham Young University.  After 2 months of being a poor college student he wants to retire in favor of mooching off Mom and Dad, proper amounts of sleep, Mom’s cooking, and joining a book club full of 55 year old women called Rock Bottom Remainders.

I am awesome at being awesome. Just ask any of my not as awesome friends. I can be more awesome then anyone at any time. Everybody knows this and they don’t even try to compare themselves to me. In fact, as a sign of respect, very few people actually talk to me.  You can be awesome to.  Simply follow these rules.

Don’t Drink Liquor

Suppose you’re at a party and some hotshot stud muffin is talking about how cool he is, and is starting to impress your date.   Give him a few more drinks, stick with your sprite, and wait a bit he will begin to start slurring his words, making incomplete sentences and losing his sense of balance. At this point start to slowly move back and forth in a circular motion, then watch as he sways and eventually falls over.  Your date if she is worth being with will have realized how dumb the people are for drinking and like you even more.

Have Facts to back you up.

Suppose when you’re on a date and you’re trying to impress her.  Don’t say: “yeah I am pretty awesome.” Say instead:  My GPA is a 4.0, I am captain of the chess club, the math Club, the Wookie club… and the Football team. If your date asks you to prove it, pull out your Eagle Scout card and say: “Scouts honor."

Use the proper language for your Audience. 

The proper Lingo is imperative to being awesome.  Suppose you are walking down the hall of High School. When you walk past the Jocks Fist bump and follow it up with a deep “SUP”.  When walking past the Hip Hop gangsters, drop you pants so your butt is hanging out and say “Wazz up Playas”.  When walking past a bunch of very attractive young ladies, say “hello ladies, look at your man, now look at me, now back you your man, NOW back to me, sadly he isn’t me.”  Then walk on. People will think you are the next best thing since sliced bread.

Concede and counter.

When you’re awesome many people around you will begin to think they are awesome as well. To maintain your awesomeness you will need to set these people straight in the nicest way possible.  For example, when they say “ oh did you see that touchdown I just scored”  reply” yes I did see your touchdown, however did you see my ten bazillion touchdowns before that” answers like this will appease the person, yet set them straight on your pure awesomeness . 

Seal the deal.

When a dude is clearly cooler then you are, bring out the heavy artillery.  Before he talks to a girl give him a candy bar with stuff that will give him bad breath and  that will cling to his teeth. After he has been engaged in the conversation for a while swing by with your minty fresh breath. You will surly win her over.  Well now you know how to be awesome.   Don’t try to pull any of these things on me it won’t work.