This article would be assigned to me. Me- the mia-maid who when asked to draw her life in ten years was still in grad school and single, while every single other young women’s picture involved a kitchen and at least two toddlers at her feet. It’s not that I think my own mother’s life is bad – that’s not it at all. I’ve just never been the type to believe I’m getting an education “just in case” my dear husband dies or becomes incapacitated or leaves me and suddenly I’m handed the pants. I don’t consider my womb to be my greatest asset. A lot of the time I forget I even have one at all. I’ve always based my self-confidence and identity first and foremost on my mind; my wit and intellect have always been more important to me than my looks or my domestic skills.
My parents always tease me about how for at least three years when anybody would call me cute or pretty or adorable as a kid, I would scream “NO! I’M NOT! I’M SPECIAL!” Although I roll my eyes when it’s told, I think this story accurately describes the way in which I think- which is likely my favorite thing to do. Why would I give that up? Well, the thing is, I won’t. I’m not going to. And I don’t have to. Raising a family and pursuing intellectual enrichment are not, as some Mormon women mistakenly believe, mutually exclusive.
I am not at BYU to get married. I am not at BYU to further my education while hoping to meet my husband as a plus. And once again, I am not here to learn a trade so that I can be self-sufficient in fear of the terrible chance that my husband can no longer provide for me. I am not even here so I can become employable. I am here to learn. I happen to love learning, just for the sake of learning, no strings attached. So no, children are not constantly in the back of my mind. I’m not educating myself for them. I’m not searching for their future daddy either.
I’m not averse to children. I would be lying if I said I didn’t see them in my future. But I’m pretty sure I’ll raise my children in a similar fashion to Anna Quindlen, particularly if I have boys. I really appreciated this article. It is by far my favorite one that I have read. After our environmental science major debate in class, I can perfectly imagine the collective groan uttered when that hated word feminist was read. Feminism: of or relating to or advocating equal rights for women. Positively deadly. I am a feminist. I believe in sexual equality. GASP! As a heretic, I shall blaspheme on this blog with the opinion that men and woman are both great. However, just like Anna Quindlen, I do think women do sort of win when you count up all the points. I mean, we do have that one thing that they don’t. What is it again? Oh yeah, womb.
Personally, I believe that there is a balance to be found here, as in most all things.
ReplyDeleteThe feminist movement was formed to combat discrimination against women, which DOES exist, and which SHOULD be fought, as should all discrimination. Gender equality has not been achieved, and there are areas that it need to be fought for, but there are others that I don't feel it should.
The draft, for example. Women aren't required to register for the draft, and I don't feel that they should be. A woman who actively wants to serve in the military should be allowed (active combat duity as a marine on the front line is a different matter), but I don't think that women should be held-by society- to that standard.
There are explanations for wage differences between men and women in the work force including loss of experience and time to climb the corporate ladder during maternity leave, but I still believe that there are many instances in which women are not given the full rights and responsibilities that they can and should handle. This IS and injustice, and should be fought.
I also believe that men and women are inherently different (not ALL men and women.. it's a spectrum with totally masculine and totally feminine at opposing ends) and that they have a comparative advantage in certain things. I'm not saying a woman CAN'T do something, I'm saying that most men and women tend to have advantages in different fields, and to admit this is not a crime, and I think that extreme feminist who hold the sentiment that all men and women are inherently the same are disillusioned and caught up in some sort of idealistic fantasy. We're generally different, and it's ok to admit that.
As far as the supreme emphasis on the woman's childbearing role in the church, I can totally understand why it would be upsetting, and I kind of think it's a little demeaning when church members shun women who have their own ideas about life and who don't fit the cookie-cutter mold of a perfect saint. We all have divine callings and duties. Does anyone honestly think that God frowns on Mother Theresa or Eleanor Roosevelt because they were intelligent and worked for the benefit of society and didn't spend all their time making babies and cleaning house?
Everyone is different, stereotyping and treating the human race as a lump-sum game where you have to be all this or all that is wrong. If we all just listen for God's voice in our lives and follow his plan for US, and allow everyone else to live their plan, everything will be chill and we can all get along! Don't go trying to force anyone to do something because of their sex, nationality, color, whatever. If we give up our inner control-freaks and just let each man or woman do that which derives the most utility and he has the greatest comparative advantage in, and the world just might find a little peace and quiet... and we might not need so many lawyers...
I appreciate your insights and pretty much agree with everything said. I also hold the belief that men and women are inherently different and would not consider myself to be "that extreme feminist" who is "disillusioned". When I say equality I mean it in the sense of equal rights and opportunities not identical purposes and roles.
ReplyDeleteI'm really intrigued by your response. I'm an open-minded fence-sitter on motherhood and feminism issues. I agree with points of pro-motherhood, pro-career, and pro-both arguments. After reading "Mother's Choice" and your response, I'm still a fence-sitter, but you both provided good opinions and views to draw from when I finally do decide to hop off the fence.
ReplyDeletehaha I got done in a hurry and realized that that was kind of a muddled mess, but I guess what I was saying is that if motherhood is for you, it's for you! If you enjoy something more, or you are meant to serve in some other part of this world, then you deserve to be able to work there without people giving you crap all the time. Basically, I believe in the freedom to choose, and that others should respect that freedom. This article is just an example of a woman who found that her true calling and joy is motherhood, and that's great for her! but if it's not for you, it's not for you. Motherhood is a noble and Godly calling here on earth, but I don't think that people should be so closed minded to believe that it's the only calling for women here on earth.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, Chloe, those are few and far between; I didn't see you as the radical or disillusioned type, but they DO exist and are pretty volatile characters.
Not being a woman, I obviously find it somewhat difficult to relate to this article, but reading your response was very interesting and I enjoyed your view on the topic. I liked your view because sometimes I feel like having a family is so much emphasized here and in the church that women almost lose their personalities to motherhood. Not that i don't believe being a mother is a very important and magnificient calling, but I think it's good for women to be able to choose to explore their talents and abilities outside motherhood.
ReplyDeleteI thought your sarcasm about your definition of feminism being heretic was interesting since the church teaches gender equality. It doesn't seem all that controversial. And to add to the things you and Anna Quindlen said, I would definitely qualify a willing stay-at-home mother of 12 as just as much of a feminist as a business woman. I mean its about doing what we want and being allowed to do it without discrimination right?
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